US Credits Rise in Number of Female Suicide
Bombers to American Presence

    US Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice proudly hailed the rise in the number of female suicide bombers as a victory for Iraqi women specifically and democracy in general. She went on to state that, as of today the number stands at five but the US hopes to see it rise steadily.
    Said Secretary Rice, "Less than two years ago only men were strapping explosives to themselves and blowing up innocent civilians. Since the US invasion, ... er occupation, no, liberation, women have now found the self-confidence to do it too. The US is proud of the role it's played in that."
    The Uglier Truth recently spoke to an Iraqi woman with aspirations of becoming a suicide bomber.
    "Before the arrival of the Americans I never dreamed of it but now, the thought is never far from my mind."
    When asked how this new dream had changed her family she smiled broadly, "Before the US arrived my husband would never have trusted me with such a responsibility. Now, he is just as excited and enthusiastic about my aspirations as I am. I believe this is solely due to the presence of the US.
    When we informed Secretary Rice of the woman's intentions she responded, "It's satisfying to know that the US and its allies can help a young mothers dream come true.
The Uglier Truth went on to ask how else it had changed her family.

"Before the arrival of the Americans I never dreamed of it (becoming a suicide bomber) but now, the thought is never far from my mind."

    "My husband and I never really did anything together before. After the US came and I told my husband of my dream; we now spend many hours together as he teaches me about Simteck explosives, timers and how to choose the best location for blowing yourself up. Yesterday he was so sweet," she said as we assumed she blushed behind the thick, dark burka. "He went with me to help choose a belt to carry the explosives. Once we had loaded several pounds into it, he ask whether it was too heavy; wasn't that sweet?"
    When asked if she had set a date for achieving her dream and whether they had found a suitable target she responded, "Important decisions like that I leave to my husband."

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