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Bush Claims Kyoto Could Rob The World
Of Some “Pretty Cool” X-Men

    In an exclusive interview with George Bush and members of his cabinet, The Uglier Truth discovered the real reason George Bush was adamant about his claim that the US would never sign Kyoto. Initially, The Uglier Truth was prepared to record the interview but Cheney shook his head and informed us that we would be given an official interview later. The President began the interview by assigning The Uglier Truth the nickname “TUGGY.” President Bush went on to explain, “I like nicknames; reminds me of my days at Skull and Bones. For example, Rumsfeld is Rummy, Condoleeza is Condie and Michael Brown was Brownie; now you're TUGGY." When asked if Dick Cheney was Dickie, Bush replied, "Cheney ain't into nicknames, he's a Dick; there's no question about it, he'll always be a Dick.”Dick Cheney
"No, umm, I'm not a Dickie, or a Rich or a Ritchie;
I'm a Dick and that's the way I like it!"

    When TUGGY asked Dick Cheney about the use of nicknames he confirmed: "No, umm, I'm not a Dickie, or a Rich or a Ritchie; I'm a Dick and that's the way I like it!"

    Moving on to the issue of Kyoto, TUGGY asked if Bush's primary objections to Kyoto were economic, scientific or both. After a long pause and some nervous glances, Bush looked to Cheney who nodded that he could respond. "Sure economics play a part in it," he stated, "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush and my hand is on my wallet! Plus, the whole idea of a greenhouse effect sounds kinda nice. Ever been in a greenhouse; it's pretty and, ... green. I remember we had a greenhouse in Kennebunkport, it was warm, pretty and, ... green. My most important criticism is that, I strongly believe that Kyoto will rob the world of some "pretty cool" mutants.
George Bush
"Hell, without radiation we wouldn't have Spiderman, The Fantastic Four or half them guys that make up the X-men."

    When TUGGY asked the President to elaborate, he went on to explain. "The gases are suppose to create a hole in the ozone lettin' in radiation, right? Well, everybody knows that radiation creates mutants and superheros, right. Hell, without radiation we wouldn't have Spiderman, The Fantastic Four or half them guys that make up the X-men. Hey Rummy, what kinda superhero do you want to be?" At this point Rumsfeld shook his head quickly and stared at the floor. "Yeah, I know; that's stuff's pretty personal. Tell you what, I wanna be one of them superheroes who can see through stuff, even lead. Even if a girl's wearing lead underwear ..."

    At this point Condoleeza Rice interjected, "George chil' you knows you gittin' tired. Boy talk like he got a head full of puddin' if'n he don't git his nap five times a day." "Condie, can I have bankie too," the President queried as Secretary Rice huddled him to her breast. "Yes chil', you kin hav' anythin' you like."

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